Fat Dogs and French Estates is a delightful and humorous memoir of the adventures of Beth Haslam and her husband, Jack, as they look for a second home, a domaine, in France. They have a list of requirements: around 100 hectares complete with game, space for long walks with their dogs, a few outbuildings and a garden for their hobbies, and a golf course nearby. From the start there are the challenges of finding a reliable real estate agent and the language barrier.

The whole alphabet business is a minefield. For example, the letter ‘I’ in French sounds like the English ‘E’, whereas the French ‘E’ sounds like ‘UH’. I concluded she was telling me the woods were full of bears and there were herds of squirrels in the fields. (Part 1, p.35)

But after some detailed online planning on Beth’s part, they set out to see thirteen domaines. Beth is good humoured and patient with a delightful turn of phrase; Jack, a down to earth retired engineer and no patience with fools, has his own brand of very dry humour. On this adventure, they are accompanied by their two dogs – Sam, an Australian shepherd, and Biff, a Norfolk terrier who has some health problems and an aversion to black trousers, and they are characters in their own right.

Beth and Jack’s journey from England via the Eurotunnel to Capbreton, Nouvelle-Aquitaine, and across to Manosque in Provence is by turns picturesque and terrifying with narrow alpine roads, hairpin bends and even the sight of a car lodged in a tree above them. The domaines bear little resemblance to the estate agent’s speil but, as we know, they are masters at presenting an unprepossessing piece of rock as a finely crafted diamond in the making. Gentle inclines turn out to be steep hills, extensive woodland a mere copse buffeted by a ‘chilly, body-flatteningly ferocious wind’. Some interiors are tasteful, others are unique – one even with enough trophy animals to be mistaken for the Natural History Museum. And the exteriors are just as varied, with one expected substantial residence underwhelming.

I stared in disbelief at this exaggerated rendition of a Lowry painting. It closely resembled his study of a Welsh hillside village constructed during a period when details such as architectural planning and aesthetics were considered irrelevant. (Part 2, p. 15).

The owners of the properties are a range of humanity from, among others, a lawyer reluctantly selling because of divorce, an Italian celebrity chef, to Madame in ‘ a voluminous floaty animal-print kaftan, complete with an impressive collection of jewellery’ who moved like ‘a ship in full sail’, and on to the elderly and dignified Comte de la Villardebelle with his small collection of historic instruments of torture.

Fat Dogs and French Estates is as much a travelogue as a memoir with beautiful descriptions of the regions Beth and Jack travel through and of the various domaines as well as information on the history of the areas and the local cuisine.

There are five books in the Fat Dogs and French Estates series. I have read the first three which follow Beth and Jack through their search for a domaine and having found it, the challenges of restoring it and finally their life in France. The books are a wonderful respite from grim realism and miserable navel gazing and would make a brilliant light-hearted movie. Absolutely recommended.

And an added bonus is the illustrations on the cover and throughout the book by Maggie Raynor.